"I'll Have My Ice Cream 6'4" and Full of Muscle"

here's the deal, this one day thom kept trying to put the moves on me at work when he thought i wasn't looking,

But little did he know that if he plays with the fire....he's gonna get burned.

and he got a big ol' smooch from the bald man.

weeks later i'm trying to explain to him who the wrestler Bill Goldberg is, and low and behold i find THIS picture!:

like they say, Great Minds Think Alike!!

mkthxbi!

Puppies and Drugs

life is most certainly a shitter isn't it?

not as if i have enough going on as it is. my mom passed away on April 17th. i will miss her.

saturday i was sideswiped by some ass who ran a red light and (suprise) didn't have insurance. all i have is liability.

sunday, the guy i was dating just went ahead and dumped me.

it's all charming, really.

wtf? hey, if i'm really lucky, i'll get fired from my job.

"I Have Experience In Backdoor Receiving"

oh! btw- did i mention that i'm TOTALLY addicted to MySpace.

...you know what that means. i'm either a high school student

or a sex offender.

discuss.

Dude, You Got F'd in the A!

it's been a VERY interesting week and a half. it seems like longer.

first off let me say this, there's physical attraction. it's pretty undeniable.

but then there's so much more. i feel totally comfortable around him, he laughs at my jokes, i laugh at his. i've never, EVER in my entire life had anyone look at me the way that he does. i've never been told that i'm beautiful. i've never had anyone whisper in my ear how special i am. there are times when i wish i had a bigger vocabulary so i could articulate to him how amazing he is. i've got to be honest, i'm freaking out a little, it's all so fast and all so out of nowhere. but it's all good and it's about time. last night the only thing i could say is "i finally found you, i've waited so long and I FOUND YOU"

"Good News, I'm Not Having a Stroke"

things are looking up for my folks. they're getting healthier every day. and the better they get the more i feel in their way. maybe...i can start spending a few more nights at home now and not on their sofa. i still have to look into moving them out of where they are now though. i've been feeling all sinus-y since i've been staying with them, i think they're living in a "sick" building, it would explain alot.

i applied at Metro, wish me luck.

i've been making some new friends, which is good. i've been needing a new gaggle of gays...it's been a while.

i crossed a line, which a long time ago would have been bad, but i'm totally ok with it. seriously. i just hope HE doesn't have any hang ups about it. it was all about having some fun anyway.

i need to get the new Arcade Fire cd, but then again, i need new tires too.

it's supposed to be in the 60's for the next week. so i'm offically calling off winter. it's over folks...take a note of it.

um, i think that's it for now...l8r

mkthxbi

Your Personality Is Like Ecstasy

You're usually feeling the love for the world around you - you want to hug everyone. And while you're usually content to sit back and view the world with wonder... Sometimes you're world becomes very overwhelming and a little scary.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

découvrez

_sonny

"I'm Being Stalked By A Vampire, Just Letting You Know"

if it's not one damn thing it's another. really.

Bad-
my folks aren't doing too well. i think i'm going to have to move in with them so i can help them out. i hate seeing them suffer. it sucks. i've been sleeping on their sofa almost every night since they were both in the hospital 2 weeks ago. so i think moving in would just seem the logical thing to do. i need to move them out of the place they're living in now so i've been looking for apartments that will accomodate us with out us being (literally) on top of eachother.

i've got a job. it's not a great job, but it's a job. i need to catch up on bills and somehow work Coachella in as well. it's a desk job and i'm WAY overqualified for what i do. didn't i go to school to not have to work a desk job ever again?

student loans....'nuff said.

i miss my dog.

i miss B.

who knew i'd grow up to be a spinster?

Good-

i have a job.

and the people i share an office with are really cool people. Thom will be a friend for a long time, i can tell. plus they all laugh at my jokes....only because they haven't heard them a thousand times.

the second season of Rome is on, i love it...it's my new OZ....which was my new Playmakers....which was my new X-Files. seriously....i might like Rome more than the X-Files....it's that good.

coachella is coming up again. i'm ready for round three.

although they're not doing to well...my parents are alive.

sometimes when i go to sleep i can still feel maddie right next to me.

it's cold and it sucks but i'm glad we're getting all this snow. it'll make for a good drought free summer. i can't wait to go camping....who's in?

the Confessions tour came out on cd/dvd...madonna has rocked my face off.

i feel defeated by the events of the past 8 months...but i'm still pushing forward.

it's not how hard you fall.....it's how you pick yourself up that matters.

thanks for the bday wishes and all, they mean alot...it seems that life is throwing me lemons. my dog got hit by a car about a week and a half ago, and now she's gone. i can't find a job, and i'm having no luck building a clientel. my phone's shut off and student loans are haunting me. bills, bills, bills and no money to pay them. no one wants to hire me for a desk job, i can't get B. out of my head...i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop......

this fucking sucks and i wanna' call it quits and run away.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss you....

....this sucks.

"Well at least let me finish my drink before you kill me."

someone....anyone...please, PLEASE...help me understand gay men.

really.

"Listen Here...I'm A Muslim Democrat, Illegal From Mexico, That Performs Back Alley Abortions On Lesbians. So If You Have Something To Say...SAY IT TO MY FACE!!"

Dont' you think it's ironic that a table of old people were bitching about illegal aliens IN a mexican resturant? true story...happened today at lunch.

alright, i know it's been a while but i've been busy:

i got back to town from MI (which by the way, was a HUGE fuckin' mess. which would explain why i'm back) and after settleing in (and by that i mean eating at all my favorite resturants) we got a phone call from AZ. it looks like my aunt has 6 tumors in her brain, the doc's gave her a year and that's being generous. i sped to my mom and dad's and all i asked is "when are we gonna' leave?" my dad couldn't get out of town fast enough, he needed to see his sister ASAP. to be honest, we all did. my mom and dad, myself and my two sisters took off for a week in San Manuel. we rented a mini-van and headed out. when we got to AZ we found out that my aunt didn't really have 6 tumors in her brain...she has 20 and one in her lung AND she has breast cancer (again), and those are the tumors that they can see. it was an extremely emotional week. i hate to see my aunt go through all of this. again. when my aunt lived here in denver when i was a kid a spent alot of time with her, as far as i'm concerned she's an angel. aside from my own parents i've never known anyone as loving and gentle as her. when she goes, it'll be like a star flickering out in my world. this sucks.

regardless of the reason for our trip, it was the first time my family (i.e. mom, dad, raquel, michelle and me) have been on a "vacation", just the 5 of us, since i was in a stroller. like i said, reason aside...it was really nice to be together for such a long time, just us. and i think it's what i needed after being away in michigan. and NONE OF US...will ever look at geishas the same, ever.

i got back from AZ and less than a week later, my sister woke me up and told me that my Godmother had passed away in her sleep on a trip to New Mexico. so last week we piled up in the car again, and headed out to Frances' funeral. now, to be honest with you, i haven't seen Kika (Kee-Ka, that's what everyone called her) since my HS graduation 14 years ago. but at the services, everyone was talking about how all she loved to do is laugh and joke around and how she hated to see people down or in need and would do anything in her power to help people. she was laughing and carrying on until the day she died. that's just how i remember her.

so now i'm back, AGAIN, and the job hunt is on. i've decided that i just have to buckle down and get a regular mon-fri desk job again and i'l be practicing massage up in morrison on the weekends. so wish me luck on the search for a new cubicle-farm and as far as my massage business goes...SEND ME CLIENTS!!!! seriously.

OH YEAH! - the new SCISSOR SISTERS cd rocks my fucking world out. just like i knew it would. i SO don't regret getting that tattoo on my ass after all! good job guys!! seriously...i fucking LOVE them.

It's True....

i have officially thrown in the proverbial towel...

...the thing is, sometimes it feels good to admit defeat.

(oh yeah, i'll elaborate on all of this later.)

I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THIS!

things have been set in motion.

THIS ROCKS!!!

"REALLY?!"

sometime's i have to remind myself that i'm not the one who's crazy. seriously.

"Fucking Ants!"

i just got a second job working graveyards at Kohl's. it's now as bad as it sounds, it'sonly 3 nights a week, and it's extra money.

horray!

"I Landed On Some Hard Times. So I Had a Little Profitable Donkey Show In Tijuana...I Mean, Who Hasn't, Right?"

well, i landed the gig at Creative Wellness. which is good. GREAT actually. it's my dream job. it's scary though, so real. it'll be interesting working around dr's and chiropractors and other MT's who've been doing this for YEARS. i'm the total newbe. i just really...REALLY have to focus and work my ass off now to develop a steady practice. plus save up money and move out of here, in about 2 weeks 37,000 college students are about to take over the city, but i still think housing will be ok on my side of town. plus rent is SUPER cheap out here. in the complex i'm in now i could get a 1 bdr townhome for 650 a month. so once i start working i'll be good, right? (fingers crossed) plus i need to work out going back home to get my dog. i miss my princess.

ok...that's all for now.

:SIGH:

things aren't always as they seem. i show face because i don't want anybody to worry. i'm in a horrible situation right now and i don't know what to do.

i have my final meeting with Creative Welness today. i hope it goes well.

...if not, i'm headed home.

i just thought it'd be easier.


(please say a prayer for me)

"HORRAY!!!"

the Scissor Sisters are going to be in chicago in october!!! KICK.ASS. i'm SO there.

"Well, SOMEONE'S Being Bossy"

everyone....this is derrick:

...derrick this is everyone.

enjoy.

(BTW-he.kicks.ass)

i'm sorry you had to go through that.
I'm sorry you hurt.
If i could give up something that brings me joy
...just so you wouldn't feel that, i would,
without question.

i feel like shit.
i feel like a schmuck.

i'm sorry.

"By Spending More Time With Them, It Just Means That I'm Spending Less Time With You. Understand?"

i LOVE Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends. it makes me happy. ok...that's all.

"The G Damn Cat Is Trying To Kill Me!"

the kitty has it out for me. i'm serious.

one would think that living by an IKEA would be total hottness, right? not so much. see...the thing is, you have to figure out when to go when there isn't going to be half a million people there all at the same time. it's madness, i tell you, scandanavian MADNESS!!

the reality is that time are slow and times are tight, but i think if i stay positive things will pick up....

...i dunno, i guess i just thought things would be easier. but. if things are just handed to you, then the reward isn't as sweet.

light a candle.

"I'M BAAACK!!!!"



hey kiddos, i'm back. except now i'm in michigan.

first off let me tell you all that LISA IS A FUCKING ROCK STAR!

seriously. she is. and i wouldn't have been able to make the move without her. THANKS LISAAAAA!

so it's really beautiful up here, i like it. i've never seen so many trees in my whole life, it's out of control. Lansing is very quiet, not alot of riff-raff and the folks are nice. the boys are doing fine and giving me the bullocks every chance they get, it's funny. they're shuch shit talkers. it hasn't been too hot up here, we're fortunate to be missing ou ton this whole heat wave going on in the country. but holy crap!! it's humid. sometimes, you can actually SEE the humidity in the air.

i'm headed out tonight to a sleezy bar...details to follow. let's see...we have some really nice neighbors...OH! and you can buy liquor at the grocery store, how weird is that? like at 7-11 and stuff, it's crazy!

anyway, short post, i know. but i'm alive and i'm ok.

L8r!

"It's Just That, Well...We're Better Than You."

it's my last day at work.

i know i haven't posted, well actually posted in a while. i've had ALOT on my mind lately and i can't really formulate any coherent strings of thought. but i promise, i do, once i'm all moved in i'll fill you all in on work, the move, coachella, an old friend who is suddenly ill, that drunk guy, emo being one step below transvestite, being scared, owing money, being pissed, and telling all of you that i'm leaving how much i really love you...um, did i leave anything out?

in the mean time i'm going to leave you with this:

I MET TRENT REZNOR, BITCHES!!!!!

...talk to you all in a couple of weeks.

_sonny

"Dear Diary...Sometimes I Think You're The Only One Who Really Gets Me."

there!

I blogged.

mkthxbi!

Sweet and Scary!

i just put in my 2 week notice. eeek!!

"You Don't Like Him...Do You?"

all this flirting is driving me crazy. maybe i should just get a plane ticket, go out there and get some action.

...i do have a thing for the redheads.

“…It’s All Just A Grand Diversion. It Could Be You, It Could Be Me...But So Far, They’ve Won”

initially I wanted to talk about Coachella today, but instead I want to talk about the burning bush. (and I’m not talking about Lindsay Lohan) get you're hate mail ready, 'cause i don't give a shit.

OK, all of this is so incredibly fucked up. seriously. we're sending the Nat’l Guard to the southern border, and yet...we're NOT militarizing the border? um, ok. senior asshat kept using the "T" word, and yet...all the "terrorists" are coming in from Canada.

uh, why would they come in from Mexico? they don't want to get here in a van with 38 other people, right?

by controlling the amount of immigrants, oh fuck i'll just say it for him...MEXICANS!!, we are helping to reduce crime in this country. um...FUCK.YOU!

wow, that's a pretty huge generalization on a group of people Jorge!

oh yeah...hey dubya, isn't your brother Jeb's wife Columbia FROM MEXICO?!?! c'mon, how fucked up is that? that's just like when gov. schwarzenegger said "we've got to close our borders to the foreigners" idiot, right?and not only that, along with rumors of that hillbilly-fuck Jeb running for president in 08, they are also grooming his son George P Bush to run as well. (in case you didn't know...George P.'s mom is...(drum roll)... Columbia Bush!)

but really, asshat did say he wants to create a "guest worker" program. which is nice. but to me, "guest worker" sounds so...um, p.c. let's just call it what it really is, LEGALIZED SLAVERY. oh, i'm so pissed off, I can’t even talk about it any more.

and this pisses me off even more:

that asshole tom cruise set up a pre-nup with his robot, er...i mean katie holmes that sets up a $15 mil. trust for her and the baby even if they don't get married! and if they divorce she gets another $25 mil.

holy shit!...and this whole time i just thought she was stupid.

"I Don't Care How Cold You Say It Is, I'm Not Going To 'Feel' Your Nose!"

hmmm...ok,

This is to you. (and you know who you are):

i guess i should rephrase. i think i may have said and/or implied that i don't owe you an explanation. that's not right, in fact...it's just not cool. after dinner with lisa the other night (buca di beppo, yummy!), you some how came up in conversation. she said she started to look at this whole "mess" from your end. and for me to say that i don't, in anyway, owe you an explanation is totally bullshit. and i whole-heartedly agree. i agree, because...that's not what i meant to say. and i should have been more specific. (a lesson i'm learning more and more as i get older) here's what i mean:

for you to ask me for further explanation about decisions that i have made, regarding you specifically, is totally fair and i will answer ANY questions you have. honestly and uncensored. (now i'm not meaning to bring up the past here as any sort of "leverage" or "grudge",but just as an example)

after you came back and we talked that night at your house i asked you "what happened", which is fair, but i never asked you "why"...and to this day i don't know why. and i don't care "why". that's between you and him, that's your business. in the same manner I DO owe you an explanation, totally, but...i don't feel that i have to justify my actions. that, i'll have to trust that you'll understand with any explanation i have to give. explanation vs. justification, i hope you can see the difference between the two in my eyes. just like that night, wanting to know what happened is "fair", but to ask "why" (at least the way i saw it, and still do) was uncalled for, because i had already forgiven you the day you left.

just some food for thought.

p.s.- thanks lisa! sometimes it takes a really good friend to tell another friend he's being a total asshat! :)

"Shhh...He's Freaking Out."

as you can see (see? ==>), i added some links to my blog, y’know…just to pretty it up a bit. but over the past couple of weeks i have totally and unabashedly become addicted to Kevin Smith’s blog. fo’ real, real…not fo’ play, play. even if you’re not into Kev, you really should read the whole “me and my shadow” story (in eight parts no less). besides, any guy who says this is good peeps:

“See, I’m a friend of the gay community. I’ve always maintained that I’m just one cock-in-the-mouth shy of being gay myself. And I understand why gay dudes crave a big, luscious dick: hung like a kindergartner as I am, I, too, have always craved a big, luscious dick myself. Sadly, my thirst will go forever unquenched.”

…admittedly so, a thirst I would have no problem helping Mr. Smith satisfy. :P

...mkthxbi!

"OH Shit!!..."

My Colorgenics Profile:
You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.

You like the better things in life. You are sensuous and emotional. You are a follower of the Arts and you seek an environment that will give you the fulfilment to the senses that you need.

You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.

The way things are at this time it is necessary to 'go slow'. All the pleasures that you have anticipated should be left in abeyance until some future date, but all is not lost, you are able to derive and achieve considerable gratification from someone quite close to you.You are experiencing excess frustration and agitation which is the result of trying to resist any form of stimulation or excitement. This may lead to nervous exhaustion, angry outbursts or lowering of the libido. This on-going situation could become threatening and dangerous. You are furious at the thought that you may be unable to achieve your goals and even more distressed at your feeling of helplessness to remedy this. You are at the point of a nervous mental and physical breakdown but it's not too late to do something about it - take a rest, forget about everything and try to take heed of that ancient adage 'He who fights and runs away - lives to fight another day'.You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself, to find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time.

Now Pick Your Own Colors!

...mkthxbi!

"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." - Matthew 7:15

i'm frustrated....

...in sooooooo many ways!

more to come...

oh yeah, i added some links and stuff over there to the right. so, um...yeah =>

"You Can Tar and Feather a Dog, But That Doesn't Make It a Duck"

i know everyone is excited to hear about Coachella, and seriously, i got alot to say...

...but just not right now.

what i do want to say is that everybody, that's right, each and every one of you need to run out and buy the new TOOL cd 10,000 Days. it's one of the best peices of music i've heard since NIN's The Fragile. I LOVE IT, you hear me guys? I'm Super-Duper-Cereal!!

"ZOINKS! This Kooky Plan Just Might Work!!"
or
Coachella 2006


OMFG!..

myself and Scott a.k.a. BabyDaddy

(note the stupid dorky expression on my face)

More To Come....